The First Concerto - 5: Feelings Yet Unwritten

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1

???

(Again...)

2

???

(Again, from the beginning.)

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3

???

(Until you get it right.)

4

???

(Otherwise, you'll be seen as a failure.)

5

???

(Mom... Dad...
Everyone has such high hopes for me...)

6

???

(But...)

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???

(How long do I have to keep doing this?)

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???

(When am I going to satisfy their expectations?)

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???

(I...)

10

???

(I...don't think I ever can...)

11

???

...

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???

Is this really it for you...?

13

Toya

*Gasp*

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14

Toya

It was a dream...?

15

Toya

(I feel like that's all I've been seeing lately...)

16

Toya

(I keep getting thrown back to that time. All these wounds are opening back up...)

17

Toya

(No, I don't have time to be dealing with those things right now...)

18

Toya

(I have to keep working...
I have to complete at least one song...)

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Toya's Mother's Voice

Toya...?

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Toya

Oh, Mom...

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21

Toya

Is something wrong?

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Toya's Mother

You're up again early today...

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Toya's Mother

I was worried that you haven't been getting enough sleep since you've been staying up so late recently.

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Toya

Th-Thank you...
But I'm...

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Toya's Mother

I know what you're working on means quite a lot to you, Toya.

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Toya's Mother

But it'd be all for naught if it took a heavy toll on your health. Why don't you take a little break...?

27

Toya

But...

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Toya

Yes, you're right...
Then, I'll try going for a walk.

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Toya's Mother

You will...?
Please be careful, okay?

30

Toya

I will.

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31

Toya

(I feel terrible about making her worry so much...)

32

Toya

(But I don't have a second to spare.
I need to keep working on this song.)

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Toya

(So, if I can't work at home, then I should go to...)

Street SEKAI

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34

Toya

Alright...

35

Toya

(I'll continue working at MEIKO's place.
I may even be able to ask KAITO for help if he's there.)

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36

Toya

*Wince*

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Toya

This isn't good...
I feel dizzy and sleep-deprived...

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Toya

No, I don't have time to rest...
Not now. Not here...

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???

Toya?

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Toya

That voice...

41

Toya

MEIKO...

42

MEIKO

Why are you squatted down like that?
Are you by chance not feeling well?

43

Toya

No, this is nothing...
I just need to take a short break and...
*Wince*

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MEIKO

No.
I can't just let you wallow in pain.

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MEIKO

Sit tight.
I'll go get you a drink from the cafe.

46

Toya

No, you don't have to...

47

MEIKO

Toya, do as I say.

48

Toya

Okay, I'll sit tight...

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Toya

Phew...

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Toya

Thank you very much.
I feel much better after having some of your tea and snacks.

51

MEIKO

Thank goodness.
Looks like you were just sleep-deprived.

52

MEIKO

If you're feeling better, then you should go back and get some real rest. Please stop by after you've had a chance to recover.

53

Toya

I will.
Again, I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused you.

54

MEIKO

This was nothing.

55

MEIKO

But I don't feel great about how you've been pushing yourself so hard...

56

MEIKO

Is your song giving you that much trouble...?

57

Toya

Yes...

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Toya

Every time I feel like I've got it right, I realize that I'm still nowhere near achieving the energy Ken and his team produced.

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Toya

And no matter how much I think about it, I can't figure out why...

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MEIKO

...

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MEIKO

Then, what if you went back to square one?

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Toya

Square one...?

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MEIKO

Yes.
Back to the moment when you started working on this song.

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MEIKO

Remember how you took down notes about the others' feelings?

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Toya

Oh, yes...
I have it right here actually.

66

MEIKO

Then, why don't you take another look at it?

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MEIKO

I believe it's best to go back to where you started when you can't find the answer to a question.

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Toya

I see...

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Toya

(Lately, all I've been thinking about is why I haven't been able to achieve that same energy. I just kept looking for whatever it was that I was missing.)

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Toya

(But going back to the beginning may allow me to see it with a fresh pair of eyes.)

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Toya

Thank you.
I'll try doing that.

72

MEIKO

Also, Toya, would you mind if I had a look at your notes?

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Toya

What?

74

MEIKO

You showed them to KAITO already, right?
I'm actually a little curious myself as to what you wrote...

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Toya

Yes, of course.
I'm sure the others would also be okay with it.

76

MEIKO

So, when you all performed in STAY GOLDEN that second time, Kohane decided to believe in herself because An believed in her.

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Toya

Yes, that was what stood out to her the most. And I'd like to weave what she felt that time into my song...

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MEIKO

Hehe. I'm looking forward to hearing what that sounds like.

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MEIKO

Still, this notebook...
It's really full of everyone's thoughts and feelings.

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Toya

Yes. I was under the impression that these notes would help me come up with a good song...

81

Toya

But things just aren't going that way...

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MEIKO

Hey, Toya.

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MEIKO

Your notes went into great detail regarding how Kohane, An and Akito feel.

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MEIKO

But there were only a few tidbits about you.

85

Toya

Huh?
Oh, you're right...

86

Toya

But I already know how I feel, so I don't think I need to spell it all out in words...

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MEIKO

Are you sure?
Your feelings are also going to play a major role in your song, no?

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MEIKO

So, what if you do for yourself what you did for the others? Try writing down everything that you've felt until now.

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Toya

Everything I've felt...?

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???

(I...)

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???

(I...don't think I ever can...)

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Toya

*Wince*

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MEIKO

Toya?

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Toya

Oh... Sorry.
It's nothing.

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MEIKO

Really?
Are you sure you're feeling better...?

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Toya

No, I do feel better.
It's just...

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Toya

Whenever I think about my feelings, I'm reminded of quite a lot of other things.

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MEIKO

Other things?

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Toya

Yes...
Things that I'm not entirely proud of...

MEIKO

Then, why don't you try reflecting on those things...?

Toya

What?

MEIKO

You don't seem like you want to talk about whatever this subject matter is.

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MEIKO

What if that's what's keeping you from completing your song?

Toya

Yes...
If I'm going to incorporate the others' feelings, then I'll need to take a closer look at my own as well...

Toya

Thank you, MEIKO...

Toya

I'll try doing that today after I get back.

MEIKO

Okay. Good luck, Toya!

MEIKO

But please try to get some rest first.
I wouldn't want you to start feeling dizzy again.

Toya

I will.
And thank you for the concern.

Next Chapter: My Albatross