And Now, I Wear This Ribbon - 5: Brushing At The Depths Of Pain

Ena's Room

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Ena

Huff... Huff...

2

Ena

(Why...?)

3

Ena

(It's like the more I try to draw, the more confused I get...)

4

Ena

(At this rate, I'm never gonna be able to prove him wrong... I have to make him acknowledge my talent...)

5

Ena

(And yet, I haven't been able to draw anything since the exam...)

6

Ena

(Ugh, my head...
I can't go on...)

7

Ena

(I should lie down and rest for a bit before trying again...)

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Ena

Hm? Was that...?

9

Ena

Maybe it's a notification from PicShare!

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Ena

(What if someone liked one of my old illustrations?!)

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Ena

(Oh, it's just recommending someone else's post...)

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Ena

(I've posted pretty much everything I've drawn, but they've gotten hardly any likes...)

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Ena

(I was convinced that was because everyone on PicShare only cared about looking at the manga and the anime art that people post...)

14

Ena

(But...)

15

Ena

(Maybe it's because I'm really not that good...)

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Ena

(Does no one like my art...?)

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Ena

...!

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Ena

Now it's telling me about popular posts! PicShare's been sending me all these pointless notifications since that update...

19

Ena

(What is this...?)

20

Ena

(A high school girl got 300 likes just for a selfie...?)

21

Ena

(Geez, talk about too much editing. She went way overboard under her eyes. Honestly, I'd probably look 100 times cuter.)

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Ena

(See? Just hide one eye, touch it up a bit and I'll have 300 likes in no time...)

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Ena

Add a hashtag and... Post.

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Ena

What am I doing...?

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Ena

I'll put it on silent to shut it up...

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Ena

Mhm...

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Ena

Yikes... I just wanted to rest my eyes, but ended up sleeping for a while...

28

Ena

What time is it?
Where did I put my phone...?

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Ena

Huh...?
What's with all these notifications...?

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Ena

700 likes...?!

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Comments

<Too cute!!>
<Super cute!>
<Your face is adorable! I wanna see more!>

32

Ena

Wow, I wasn't expecting this kind of response...

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Ena

Oh, another notification...
Geez, how viral is this gonna get...?

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Ena

No, I shouldn't be acting all satisfied...
It's just a stupid selfie...

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Ena

Hehe...

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Ena

I kinda feel like I can draw something really good now. I'll give it a go after I have breakfast!

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37

Ena

(No...)

38

Ena

(Nothing's changed... Or have I gotten worse...?)

39

Ena

(I can't get the image in my head onto paper. It doesn't matter what I draw. The more I try, the worse things get...)

40

Ena

...

41

Ena

I should take a break...

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Ena

Hey, I got another notification...!

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Ena

(This feels weird...
All these people are looking at my selfie...)

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Comments

<So cute!>
<Do you not have any makeup on?! Your skin's so pretty!>

45

Ena

...

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Ena

No, this isn't how I want to get noticed...

47

Ena

Alright, breaktime's over.
I'll start over and redraw it from scratch...

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Ena

...

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Ena

Why...?

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Ena

I don't understand what I'm doing wrong...!

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Ena

Ugh...
Shut up...!

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Comments

<Can you post a makeup video?>
<She must be naturally this cute.>
<I envy girls with cute faces...>

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Ena

...

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Comments

<Post more pics!>
<I wanna see more!>

55

Ena

More pics...?

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Ena

(Alright, fine...
I'll take one of my upper body. At least I can use it as a reference for drawing human figures.)

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Ena

(I'll touch up the colors a bit... Yeah, this should work...)

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Ena

...!

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Comments

<Whoa, she's so cute!>
<Your eyelashes are so long! Jealous!>

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Comments

<Her hair's pretty too.>
<And she's so slim.>

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Ena

So many comments...

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Ena

Am I really that...?

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Ena

Yeah, this angle seems like the better choice. As for my light source...

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Ena

(I'm getting nowhere with my drawing, so it's okay if I do this for a little bit longer...right?)

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Ena

Hey, the one I took last week has 2,000 likes...!

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Ena

How awesome am I?
That's way more than your run-of-the-mill idol.

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Ena

Hehe. Maybe I really am that cute.

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Ena

What if this is what I'm really meant to...

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Ena

Meant to do...

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Ena

Wh-What am I doing...?

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Ena

I should be drawing...

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Ena

Ugh, no...!!

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Ena

This isn't...

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Ena

This isn't what I want... I don't want likes for this...

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Ena

I have to draw something... Anything!

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Ena

But if I lose my ability to draw, then I'd really...

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Ena

...

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Ena

Why...?

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Ena

Why can't I draw anything...?

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Ena

Why am I so bad at this...?!

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81

Ena

(Wh-What time is it...?)

82

Ena

(I guess it doesn't really matter...)

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Ena

(If I really can't draw anymore...)

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Ena

(If I can't draw... I might just try to disappear.)

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Ena

(I want to go somewhere that's devoid of other people...)

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Ena

(If I can just disappear...)

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Ena

...

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Ena

(I'm such an idiot...
I know full well that this kind of praise is pointless.)

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Ena

(And yet, I still want their likes...)

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Ena

...?

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Comments

<This song made me cry like a baby. I want to thank everybody who was there for me when I really needed them.>

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Ena

(Oh, it's recommending me another post... Wait, it's just someone's opinion on a song.)

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Ena

(This has been happening a lot.
People write all these comments hoping that other people say that they agree or that they're right...)

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Ena

(We all want attention. We just want to be noticed...)

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Ena

(That's why we write these sorts of posts, upload pics and try to get likes... To be seen...)

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Ena

So stupid...

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Ena

(...?
Huh? Did I just press play...?)

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Ena

Oh...

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Ena

(Hang on... This song...
It feels really dark, but it's having this weird effect on me...)

Ena

(Who posted this...? K...?
Are they famous or something...?)

Ena

Huh...?

Ena

Tears...?

Ena

(My chest... It kinda hurts...
Is this...?)

Ena

(Oh, is that it...?
I'm in pain...)

Ena

(This song's so sad...
It's full of pain and suffering, and makes me really want to disappear...)

Ena

(But...)

Ena

(It's like it's saying, “No, don't disappear yet.”)

Ena

And it's right...
I don't want to disappear yet...

Ena

I don't care if I lose my ability to draw... I'll keep drawing...

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Ena

(I want to draw...! I want to keep drawing...!)

Ena

(I'm struggling to draw the way I want and don't even know what I want to draw, but...!)

Ena

...

Ena

Oh...

Ena

(Is that light piercing through the darkness...?)

Ena

(Wait, that gives me an idea...)

Ena

(Like I can't go anywhere right now, but I can see light at the end of the tunnel...)

Ena

(Or like being lost in a really dark forest where only the moon is visible... And it looks so beautiful... But it also makes you want to shout your lungs out...)

Ena

(I don't really know where I'm going with this...!)

Ena

(But I want to use this idea... I want to draw it!!)

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Ena

Done...

Ena

I... I actually drew it...

Ena

...
Th-Thank goodness...

Ena

Thank you, K...

Ena

Whoa, my hands are all black...
I should wash my hands later.

Ena

However, before I do that...

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Ena

(I uploaded it...
But still no likes...)

Ena

Tough crowd...

The next morning

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Ena

*Yawn*

Ena

I guess I ended up falling asleep after that... I'm aching all over too. Probably because I drew for so long in such a weird posture...

Ena

That drawing...

Ena

Am I ever gonna be able to draw anything like what I did yesterday again...?

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Ena

Oh, a notification...

Ena

(No, I shouldn't look...
If I do, I'll get sucked back in.)

Ena

(I know that's gonna happen, but...)

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Ena

Hm...? Hold on...
That last one wasn't a like...

Ena

A DM...?

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Ena

They used my drawing to make a music video...?

Ena

Thank goodness...

Ena

It wasn't a waste after all...

Next Chapter: Meeting "K"